GM Kills Mr. Goodwrench, Stephen Colbert Calls off Search.

Where were you when you heard the news?

We were at work here at Juggle HQ, just like any other Tuesday. Here in the St. Louis area, it was an unseasonably warm day. It felt more like late spring than the end of fall. It was the kind of day that makes you smile just being outside. The kind of day when death is the farthest thing from your mind.

The news we’re talking about, that moment that we’ll all remember for the rest of our lives, (are you sitting down?) is of course the death at 37 of Mr. Goodwrench in Detroit at the hands of General Motors.

GM claims that eliminating Goodwrench is “a declaration of our commitment to our customers,” but we suspect there may be more to the story.

First, you may recall that we recently discussed GM’s upcoming IPO. As we pointed out, one of the things that’s made GM more attractive to investors has been its ability to shed some of its debt and other obligations. Obligations like employee benefits. With nearly 40 years of service under his belt, Mr. Goodwrench was probably entitled to some pretty generous retirement and pension benefits. Maybe he refused to give this up and was eliminated for his intransigence.

The other angle here is that maybe Stephen Colbert, who has been on Goodwrench’s trail for years (even if he’s been more quiet lately), finally got close enough to tracking him down that GM felt they had no choice but to eliminate him. Why would they do that? Again, think about the IPO. Colbert clearly wants to ask Goodwrench some questions, and Goodwrench has been a part of GM long enough that he’s certain to know where some of the bodies are buried, if you know what we mean. Faced with the prospect of interrogation by a gifted interlocutor like Colbert, GM likely concluded that Goodwrench was unlikely to hold up under questioning and would have to be terminated.

Whatever the reason for his death, Mr. Goodwrench will be missed. Not only did he faithfully fix (or attempt to fix) millions of GM vehicles, many of questionable quality,  during his 37 years of service, he was also a longtime NASCAR sponsor, paving the way for later sponsors like Juggle.

Farewell, Mr. Goodwrench. We’ll miss you, even if you’re just moving to Canada.

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